Hey Wynand here,
Dear Son, and Parents Who May Relate,
This is a letter to my oldest son. My hope is that one day, when he reads this, he’ll have learned the valuable life lessons from a moment of disappointment—specifically, the day he didn’t make the team he worked so hard to join. I don’t know where life has taken you when you come across this, but know one thing: I am immensely proud of you, no matter what.
I also write this for other parents who might find themselves grappling with their child’s deep disappointment. If you’ve ever felt the crushing weight of watching your child endure heartache, you’re not alone. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve faced as a parent. Even as I write this, a day after receiving the news, my emotions are still all over the place—sorrow, frustration, helplessness.
There’s no easy way to deal with this except to try and see it as a life lesson. I hope this reflection helps.
The Backstory
My oldest son loves cricket, a passion he inherited from me. I’m biased, of course, but I see real talent in him. Cricket isn’t just a sport to him; it’s a part of his identity. This year, he tried out for his new school’s cricket team. He breezed through the first round of trials and was confident about making either the A or B team that would tour early in the new year.
But after the second round, the final list was released. Two kids, including my son, were cut.
I found out at 11:00 AM via WhatsApp. The news hit me like a brick wall. It wasn’t just the disappointment; it was the dread of having to break the news to him. That morning, in the car, we’d casually chatted about his chances, and I had reassured him that he was doing great. Now, I had to face him and tell him he didn’t make it.
Even now, recounting it, tears sting my eyes. Some might say, “Come on, it’s not that bad. Lots of kids get cut from teams.” And they’re right. But this was my son—my dreamer. My boy, for whom I’d take every pain if I could.
Breaking the News
The conversation went as I feared. His face fell, and tears filled his 13-year-old eyes. My heart shattered. He asked if only one team was selected. When I had to admit there were two, and he hadn’t made either, he broke down.
So did his mom and younger brother.
We all knew how much this meant to him. New school. New friends—all of whom made the team. I could do nothing but hug him and search for words of encouragement, even as I felt crushed.
Despite his heartbreak, he eventually surprised me with his maturity. And that’s where the lessons began.
Life Lesson 1: Don’t React in Emotion (Especially as a Parent)
I want to transport to a few hours earlier when the news broke.
When you see what feels like an injustice against your child, emotions will flare. Mine did. I was furious:
- “How could they do this?”
- “Don’t they know how hard he worked?”
- “Did they even watch him?”
I drafted a message to the coach, demanding answers. Thankfully, I sat on it. My wife wisely advised against sending it, and she was right. Acting on emotion wouldn’t have solved anything. It might have made things worse by painting my son as a target.
Could the selection have been unfair? Perhaps.
Could they have missed his talent? Maybe.
Or could he just simply not be good enough at the moment? Most probably.
But there are too many variables in team selection to pin it on any one thing. Reacting emotionally helps no one.
Life Lesson 2: Don’t Blame the Coaches
As parents, our instinct is to find someone to blame. But blaming the coaches or selectors in front of your child only fosters resentment and a victim mentality. No good comes from teaching your child to believe they were wronged.
Instead, focus on what they can control: effort, attitude, and growth. Keep your frustrations private if you must, but don’t let them seep into your child’s perception of the situation.
Life Lesson 3: Disappointment Can Build Resilience
This was the hardest, yet most valuable lesson for both of us. Disappointments like these are inevitable in life. They hurt deeply, but they also teach strength, adaptability, and perseverance. I told my son:
- “This doesn’t define you. What defines you is how you respond.”
- “Use this as motivation to work harder and prove to yourself what you’re capable of.”
And to my surprise, he did. He stood up and asked me if we can go practice. We did, and by the end of the day, he was talking about his plans to practice harder and be ready for the next opportunity. His resilience humbled me and reminded me of the strength we often underestimate in our children.
It also reminded me that my own disappointments I felt recently are just an unfinished story and that I can also with the same strength he has shown tackle it head-on.
Life Lesson 4: Life is not fair
This is a tough truth, but it’s an important one: life doesn’t always go the way we want, and sometimes, hard work doesn’t guarantee the outcome we hope for.
Things happen—unexpected, unfair, and beyond our control.
Sometimes things are just down to luck.
And sometimes there are just others more talented and better than us.
That’s the reality.
But there’s another side to this. While hard work doesn’t promise success, doing nothing guarantees failure. Effort creates possibilities. It opens doors and lays the groundwork for future opportunities. As long as we’re alive, we can keep working, learning, and striving toward our goals.
Yes, life isn’t always fair. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It challenges us to adapt, to grow, and to write a story worth telling.
Final Thoughts
Son, if you’re reading this, know that you’re more than any team, trophy, or accolade. Disappointments will come, but they’re stepping stones, not roadblocks. You’ve already shown me your incredible spirit, and I couldn’t be prouder.
To the parents reading this: it’s okay to feel the pain of your child’s heartbreak. But let it fuel growth—for them and for you. Let it teach resilience, humility, and the ability to keep moving forward.
Life doesn’t always pick us for the team. But it’s what we do after the list is posted that defines us.