Hey Wynand here.
I’ve said it before —this blog, or as I like to call it, my writings from the heart – is meant for my sons. And today, I want to share something deeply personal: my rules for being a man. These are my rules. It is okay if you disagree with me.
You’ll find no shortage of advice on this topic, especially on social media. There are books, podcasts, channels, and blogs all filled with their own sets of rules.
But these—these are mine. Forged over nearly 48 years of living. Shaped by a father who, though not without flaws, showed me a path from another time. And further refined through what I’ve read, watched, and quietly observed. Most is common sense. No magic or missed stuff.
I once read a quote that said
Your father is the only man who genuinly wants you to become a better man than he was.
So, while you read through this list, note that I was not always on top of everything. I failed miserably in some aspects on this list. Perhaps most. Your mom will testify. But that is why I give you these rules. For you to be better than I ever was.
And perhaps I am writing these rules also as a quiet reminder for myself. It is never to late to take action.
So here it is, boys. Take what resonates. You’ll end up living in a different era, no doubt. But I truly believe these principles—simple as they are—have stood the test of time. And I’ll keep adding to them as life continues to teach me.
1. Trust God. Follow and believe in Jesus.
Boys, I haven’t always been the best Christian. For most of my life, my faith was like a mustard seed—small, hanging on.
A lot of my struggle with religion came from this deep, consuming need to know—
To understand.
To connect the dots.
To chase every question with relentless curiosity.
That pursuit led me down some dark roads. At times, it nearly pulled me away from faith altogether. Everything in the Bible didn’t always make sense to me—if I’m honest, it still doesn’t.
And you’ll face that too, especially in the secular world. People will challenge your beliefs. They’ll question the creation story. They’ll bring up the “Cruel God” of the Old Testament and poke holes in what they don’t understand.
Then, on the flip side, you’ll find Christians—and denominations—arguing over your soul, insisting you believe the way they do.
But over the years, I’ve learned to keep it simple. Or at least tried to quiet down the questions in my mind.
To have a childlike faith and outlook.
Trust God.
Trust that He is the Creator of the universe. That’s what the very first line of the Bible tells us:
“In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth.”
Don’t get lost in the how.
Don’t stress over the number of days or the theory of evolution.
Just trust that God did what He said He did. And trust your old man when I tell you—believing that makes life a whole lot lighter.
Then, trust that God gave His law to His chosen people—not to burden us, but to show that all of us fall short of His glory.
And that’s where Jesus comes in.
Believe He came to die for our sins.
Believe the cross
Believe He rose from the dead—because there were eyewitnesses who saw it, lived through it, and never stopped telling it.
Believe that through Him, you are forgiven. Not by your works, but by His grace.
Then, pray.
Pray for forgiveness. And then rest in the knowledge that your past, present and future sins are forgiven. Wiped clean. It is done.
Pray for peace.
And follow Him, my sons.
Follow Him in faith.
Follow His command to love one another—just as Christ loved us.
Believe it when Jesus says, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Don’t overcomplicate being a Christian. It can become a deep pit of human interpretations if you let it.
And if you’re reading this while I’m still here on this earth—come talk to me.
Then, just as we looked at the first verse in the Bible, switch to the last one.
The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen
Accept His grace.
Trust God. Believe in Jesus. Follow Him.
And one day, we’ll see each other again.
2. Respect Women, but discern female toxicity and when you find the one hold on.
Always respect women.
It’s not about putting them on a pedestal—it’s about recognizing their worth, their strength, and their voice. Treat them with dignity. Treat them as equals. Listen. Be kind. Show up. Respect their boundaries.
Accept that they are different. Don’t try to understand them. Just accept.
No means no. Period.
No matter how they want to change biology, men are stronger physically. Know your boundaries. Rather walk away than attack. It is never ever okay to lift your hand. There is no justification for it.
And remember, your tongue can hit just as hard.
But also—be wise. Not every woman (or man for that matter) will have your best interest at heart. Some will drain your peace, test your patience, or play games with your heart. Learn to recognize toxic behavior: manipulation, control, disrespect, and dishonesty.
And try to listen to those around you who love you. See, love is blind. You might not see the toxic behaviour. Others will. Listen to them.
Then, please don’t try to fix it. Don’t try to save it. Walk away. Leopards don’t change spots.
But when you meet her—the one who builds you up, respects you, loves you as you are and as you’re becoming, the one committed to you, the one who roots for you no matter what —hold on. Love her with everything inside you. Cherish her. Be loyal. Build something real together. Love the fact that she is imperfect. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Play with her. Go on adventures. Hold her tight. Make her your wife. Never let her go.
And for the love of God, never cheat on her. Never break her heart or her trust.
A man can truly love one woman his whole life and be the better for it.
3. Protect and provide for your family.
Boys, one of the clearest responsibilities you’ll ever have as a man is this: protect and provide for your family.
It’s not just about money or being physically strong. It’s about showing up—consistently. It’s about being someone your family can count on, day in and day out. That means putting their needs above your comfort. It means being aware, being present, and doing the hard things without needing applause.
Protect them—not just from harm, but from fear. Be a safe place. Speak life into your home. Make it a place where your kids and your wife feel seen, heard, and loved.
Provide—not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually. Be generous with your time. Be generous with your affection. Be generous with your presence.
Also, protect and provide for one another. You are family. Blood is thicker than water. Be there for one another.
You don’t have to be perfect. Just be committed.
When storms come—and they will—stand tall. Be the steady. Be the calm. Be the one your family looks to and says, “We’re going to be okay.”
That’s what it means to be a protector. That’s what it means to be a provider.
I failed on so many levels on this one. Sorry for that.
4. Love deeply and respect all people
Love with your whole heart. Don’t hold back. Whether it’s your partner, your family, or your friends—let them feel it. Say it often. Show it even more.
Life is short. Love is the best part.
And respect everyone. Not just the people you agree with. Not just the ones who are easy to be around. Respect people because they are people. Period.
It doesn’t mean you accept bad behavior. It means you carry yourself with dignity. You treat others with kindness, no matter their background, beliefs, race, sexuality or mistakes.
That’s what strength looks like.
Love big. Respect wide.
5. Your word is your bond and it is how you earn trust
Boys, what you say matters. Your promises. Your commitments. Your name.
If you say you’ll do something—do it.
If you can’t—don’t say it.
It’s that simple.
People will measure your character by whether your words match your actions. That’s how trust is built. And once you lose it, it’s hard to get back.
Be the man who means what he says. Be the man others can count on.
Let your yes be yes. Let your no be no.
Your word is your bond.
6. Work hard but never stop playing
Hard work matters. Show up. Be dependable. Give your best. Whether it’s your job, your craft, or your responsibilities, work hard. It builds character. It builds a life.
But don’t lose your joy in the process.
Never stop playing.
Never stop laughing.
Never stop doing the things that make you feel alive.
Playing becomes joy, joy becomes laughter and enough laughter leads to happiness.
Climb the ladder if you want—but still kick a ball, wrestle with your kids, go for a hike, play music, joke around. Whatever your version of play is—keep it.
Life isn’t just about grinding. It’s also about living.
Balance it. Protect it.
7. It is okay to quit. But never give up.
Boys, you’ll hear people say, “Never quit.” But let me tell you the truth—it’s okay to quit.
It’s okay to walk away from things that no longer serve you. From jobs that drain you. From paths that don’t feel right. From people who don’t value you. From bad habits.
Quitting doesn’t mean failure. Sometimes, it’s wisdom. Sometimes, it’s strength.
But never—never—give up.
Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on your purpose. Don’t give up on becoming the man you’re meant to be.
Life will test you. Keep showing up. Adjust your path if you need to, but keep moving forward.
Quitting a thing is fine.
Quitting on you is not.
8. Learn before you judge
It’s easy to form opinions. It’s easy to look at someone, hear one side of a story, or see a headline—and jump to judgment.
But slow down.
Ask questions. Listen first. Try to understand where someone’s coming from before you make up your mind.
Everyone has a story. Everyone carries something you can’t see.
You don’t have to agree with everyone. But you do owe it to yourself—and to them—to learn before you judge.
It shows wisdom. It shows humility. And it makes you a better man.
9. Find a passion
Life isn’t just about working, paying bills, and going through the motions. You need something that lights a fire in you—something that’s yours.
Find a passion.
It doesn’t have to make you money. It doesn’t have to be impressive. It just has to matter to you.
It could be building, creating, writing, teaching, fixing, growing, performing—whatever it is, chase it. Let it sharpen you. Let it ground you.
A passion gives you purpose. It gives your soul space to breathe.
So find it—and make time for it.
10. Protect your time
I know you’ve heard it before, and one day you’ll feel it too—life moves fast. One moment you’re young, dreaming about all the things you’ll do, and then you blink… and decades have gone by.
I can still remember being your age. I remember thinking I had all the time in the world. And in a way, I did. But time doesn’t wait. It marches forward, whether we’re ready or not.
The days feel long, but the years? They vanish. One after the other. And before you know it, you’re looking back, wondering where it all went.
So don’t waste time on things that don’t matter. Don’t hold on to anger. Don’t chase approval. Don’t get lost in distractions.
Instead, live fully. Be present. Love deeply. Forgive quickly. Spend time with the people who matter—especially your family. And take time to notice the little things, because those little things? They are the big things.
You won’t get this time back. You won’t get today again.
So, live it well.
11. Stand up for what is right and always protect the vulnerable
Boys, the world won’t always make it easy to do the right thing. Sometimes it’ll cost you. Sometimes, it’ll make you stand alone.
But do it anyway.
Stand up when you see wrong. Speak up when others stay silent. Don’t look the other way just because it’s easier.
And always, always protect those who can’t protect themselves—the younger, the weaker, the overlooked.
That’s what real strength is. Not just muscle or toughness—but courage. Integrity. Compassion.
Be the man who defends. Be the man who steps in.
You can never be wrong if you do the right thing.
12. It is okay to seek help
This has been one of my biggest struggles in life.
Listen—your dad is Gen X.
And while I wouldn’t trade my childhood or the time I grew up in for anything, our era didn’t have all the answers. Truth is, no era ever has. Each generation makes its own mistakes.
One thing we got wrong? Believing we had to struggle through it. That we had to toughen up. That being a man meant keeping it all in.
And while those sayings might have their place in the right context, they are wrong when you’re battling the voices in your head.
Mental health is real.
Feeling lost is real.
Feeling overwhelmed is real.
Feeling anxious, alone, or depressed—it’s all real.
You already know this, but I lost a great friend to suicide. I beg of you to not just be another statistic one day.
You matter.
You are loved.
Your life matters.
Men have it hard. Actually—scratch that. People have it hard. Life is hard.
And sometimes, you just can’t do it alone.
Talk to someone.
Talk to each other. Call your brother. Call a friend. Talk to your wife. Call a pastor.
Seek help when you can’t see a way forward.
Please—I beg this of you.
Call it my dying wish, if we want to be dramatic about it. But this… this is just as important as every other rule on this list.
13. Treat your body like a temple
I failed hard on this one. And I hope to God I still have time to turn it around.
But hear me—your body is your vessel. You only get one.
It carries you through everything. Through your work, your relationships, your dreams. If it breaks down, everything else does too.
So take care of it. Feed it right. Move it. Rest it. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Respect it like it matters—because it does.
14. Perfection is the enemy of good enough
Don’t waste your life chasing perfect. It doesn’t exist.
Perfect will keep you stuck. It’ll keep you afraid to start. Afraid to try. Afraid to finish.
Good enough moves you forward. It gets things done. It builds momentum. And most times, it’s more than enough.
Do your best—but know when to let go. Aim for progress, not perfection.
Perfection kills joy. Good enough builds life.
15. Failure is part of life. Learn from it.
Boys, time for a hard truth. It sucks. It stings. But you’re going to fail at something. We all do.
Failure is part of life.
It humbles. But it also teaches—if you let it.
Don’t fear failure.
Fear staying down.
Fear not learning.
Fear never trying.
Failure isn’t the end. It’s a step. A lesson. A redirection.
Own it. Study it. Grow from it.
Fail forward.
16. Only measure yourself against…yourself
Don’t waste time comparing your life to someone else’s.
There will always be someone ahead. Someone with more. Someone is doing it differently.
Someone who seems to have it all. Every man has his own demons. Every house has its own ghosts.
Stop trying to be someone you are not.
That’s not your race.
Look at who you were yesterday. Last month. Last year. Are you growing? Learning? Trying?
That’s the measure.
You vs. you. That’s it.’
17. Practice the power of gratitude daily
I still remember your prayers when you were little.
All gratitude.
“Thank you, God, for this.”
“Thank you, God, for that.”
No asking. No begging. Just pure thanks.
That’s the mindset. That’s the power.
Gratitude shifts everything. It grounds you. It softens your heart. It reminds you of what’s good—even when life isn’t.
Revert back to that. Make it a daily habit.
Gratitude is peace.
Final thoughts.
My sons, I truly want you to become and someday be a far better man than I ever am or was.
I didn’t get everything right.
I still don’t get everything right.
And part of the lesson is that that is okay.
Try harder. Look for progress.
This list is as much for me as it is for you.
I’ve made my share of mistakes. And will make more. But these lessons come from real life—lived, wrestled with, and still in progress.
Take what helps. Leave what doesn’t. Add your own as you grow.
Just know this: I love you. I’m proud of you. And I’ll always be in your corner.